Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Vunerable

"I feel like I'm at a standstill. I need to move on. ” I say, frustrated. My words enter humbly into the ears of my mother, who is sitting down at the kitchen table.

She doesn‘t hesitate. “So why don’t you?
The words hit me unexpectedly. Her stare holds a sort of distant, controlled love - as if it had been carefully held back, waiting for the right moment to be released. I don’t respond. She looks right through me, reading the answer in the silence that falls from my eyes. “Afraid,” she says.

Tears. They come with the silence.
Yes,” I nod. “Because I am afraid.

I came to a realization today of what I had been trying to deny for quite a bit of time. It is without doubt that I am, today, in a much better place than I was one, two, three years ago. My gratitude for the growth, both emotionally and spiritually that I’ve gone through all this time is endless; I cannot deny the fact that today I am happy, serene, living. However, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that, although I am the happiest today that I’ve been in a long time, this does not mean that I am now unbreakable. I may be more resistant, but I am still a destructible human being. Will I always be this vulnerable? Probably. And I see now that that's okay. It's not worth fighting anymore.

Even the strongest cry sometimes.

---

"Eu me sinto como se eu estivesse parada. Eu preciso seguir em frente." Eu digo, frustrada. Minhas palavras entram humildes nos ouvidos da minha mãe, que está sentada na mesa da cozinha.

Ela não hesita. "Então por que não segue?"
As palavras me atingem inesperadamente. Seu olhar tem uma espécie de amor distante, controlado - como se estivesse sendo cuidadosamente retido, aguardando o momento certo para
liberação. Eu não respondo. Ela olha através de mim, lendo a resposta no silêncio que cai dos meus olhos. "Medo", afirma ela.

Lágrimas. Elas vêm com o silêncio.
"Sim", eu aceno. "Porque eu estou com medo."

Eu cheguei a uma conclusão hoje que eu vinha tentando negar por um bom tempo. Realmente, não há duvida nenhuma de que eu estou hoje em um lugar muito melhor do que eu estava há um, dois, ou três anos atrás. Minha gratidão pelo crescimento, tanto emocional quanto espiritual que eu já passei durante todo este tempo é interminável; Não posso negar o fato de que hoje eu estou feliz, serena, viva. No entanto, eu finalmente realizei que, embora eu esteja o mais feliz hoje do que eu já estive há muito tempo, isso não significa que eu seja agora inquebrável. Eu posso ser mais resistente, mas eu ainda sou um ser humano destrutível. Serei sempre tão vulnerável? Provavelmente.
Más eu percebo agora que está tudo bem. Não vale mais a pena lutar contra isso.

Até os mais fortes choram as vezes.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Friday, April 2, 2010

quand je regarde dans tes yeux
je vois l'univers

et je sens enfin la paix.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Fascination
flickers from our eyes
piercing dusk
like fireflies

life burns
between us
like a candle in the night
by your breath,
your words
my eyes are shining bright

Monday, March 29, 2010

Have you ever

HAVE YOU EVER...

(x) Been in love:
(x) Been out of the country:
( ) Done drugs:
( ) Gone skinny dipping:
( ) Had a surgery:
(x) Ran away from home:
( ) Played strip poker:
( ) Gotten beat up:
(x) Been on stage:
( ) Slept outdoors:
(x) Pulled an all-nighter:
( ) Talked on the phone all night:
(x) Slept all day:
( ) Killed someone:
(x) Made out with a stranger:
( ) Had sex with a stranger?:
( ) Kissed the same sex:
( ) Done anything sexual with the same sex?
(x) Been betrayed:
(x)Broken the law:
(x) Been on radio/tv:
( ) Been in a mosh-pit:
(x) Had a nervous breakdown:
( ) Been criticized about your sexual performance:
(x) Had a dream that kept coming back:
(x) stayed single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else’s heart
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation
(x) had a relationship with someone you’ll never forget
(x) done something you’ve regretted
( ) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe
(x) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your New Year’s resolution
(x) forgot your New Year’s resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
(x) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
(x) left the country
(x) almost died
( ) given up something important to you
(x) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
(x) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
( ) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(x) went to the beach with your best friend
(x) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
(x) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer with a lot of people